Okay moms let’s settle one thing.
What do you expect out of yourself while playing the role of motherhood? Let’s begin with this and start putting things into perspective.
As you read this, I want you to start listing down all the things “you” believe that you should be doing as a mother.
Here’s some I listed down for you to extract examples from;
- My children should always obey well by understanding my love for them
- After giving birth, I should quickly get back into the proper body shape
- I should be a role model to my children by being perfect
- I cannot make mistakes before my children
- I should be perfect in all the roles I perform
As you complete listing down all your expectations, let’s start looking at it in certain filters;
- How many of them do you have expertise on?
- How many responsibilities you listed are sort of “unrealistic”?
- How many of them are responsibilities that are meant to be shared with your husband?
Now, as you run through these three filters on all your “expectations of self”, you’re most likely to be noticing that-
- You don’t exactly have the “expertise” on anything. You’re mostly, fairly new at doing what you’re doing.
- You may have stepped over the edge a bit by setting up these “Ideal mother goals” which may sound sweet to the ears but adds 10x more pressure in the future to live up to.
- Many of your responsibilities aren’t completely your own and your child’s upbringing is equally dependent on the father playing a significant role too.
At this point, you’re either a bit uncertain or are taking a huge sigh of relief…and you should.
By running through your expectations and these filters, you understand how imperfect and unrealistic you may have been with your “Model of motherhood”. Don’t worry though, you’re not alone. It’s a natural phenomenon you know?
As a mother, you always feel more closer to the child, you have this intrinsic desire to “Do it all” for the kid to have a beautiful life & I deeply respect you for that.
But, let’s take a step back and have a better look at how life turns when you decide to be this way.
As the pressure mounts, you grow increasingly uncomfortable with the fact that you’re not living up to your expectations. At every step, you think about it relentlessly and continuously. You lose sight of the fact that you’re in this game for the first time in your life.
Yes, I referred to it as a “game”, because in the end, it is. The principles of a game are simple, You start the game new, you try to learn how the game works, then you slowly try to get used to the controls working all the way up to playing the game with ease and more comfort.
As you continue playing the game, you level up, so your challenges level up too, you fail sometimes, but you try again better- continues till the very end. Imagine playing that game with the Intention of cracking it right from start and turn into a pro.
A Game doesn’t work that way and neither does life. So how will you?
It’s not how “right” were the choices you make or the efforts you made, it’s about how “consistent” and dedicated you were in this process to keep going forward.
Sometimes as a mom, we feel that few certain bad choices of yours can scar the kid’s life forever. Is it necessarily true though? Reflect back into your past; your childhood. I’m taking a risk with this example because everyone has different childhood’s, but the point is-
Remember when your parents made imperfect decisions that you may not have liked? Did it scar you forever?
It’s true that our parents had a deep impact on how we function today, but it’s only a “continual repetition” of something that deeply breaks you mentally.
I’m not saying there’s no chance you can’t affect your child’s life, all I’m saying is, it’s unrealistic to expect to shower your child with a life *only* filled with “Sunshine&Rainbows”. In the end, It’s all about quitting the worry of having to be right at anything for the first time. You have your own dreams and aspirations at the same time, you may expect yourself to be perfect there too.
In the end, nobody has a 10/10 life. It’s all about taking action on what you want to do and doing it Imperfectly perfect.
What action can you take today not just on your personal but also professional goals?
In the end, how you feel must solely do with how you think to yourself. Just like the Buddha, despite the chaos around, he could meditate with his peace because he chose what to pay attention to.
The key part for you to remember is do not expect yourself to be perfect on this journey. Being perfect is overrated & consistency is underrated. If not from anyone else, You’ll hear it from me today; you’re going to mess up. You’re going to fall off your routine at times. You’re going to be sloppy while handling all your tasks. So, Embrace it. Embrace your journey, Track your feelings and progress, understand that nobody expects you to be perfect except yourself, and keep treating yourself with compassion and just continue doing what you need to; despite how many ever stops you take.
After all, the objective is to be happy and have a pleasant experience, not a perfect one!
So tell me,
Are you going to pay attention to the voice that brings you down and shames you for being imperfect?
Are you going to practice Self-compassion and appreciating yourself by embracing your imperfections and still having the courage to move forward?
It’s your call.
Because remember something;
Not one person in this world would ever come up to you and say; “I wanted you to be perfect”.
It’s the weight you carry with yourself; Self-induced.
Set yourself free, and fly high, Supermom.